Today is #4 in a series of 5 daily 5′s. For each day this week, I will publish a list of 5 less-than-serious things that I been a part of our Peace Corps experience. Yesterday we recognized the unsung heroes of our Thai home.
Today we call out those who have merely disappointed us for the last two years.
There’s a Disappointment for Every Season
All Plumbing in the House
Stupid faucet.
Nice, plumbing. Real nice. You know what I could really go for right now? How about a leaky faucet. Oh, what’s that? You have four leaky faucets? Wow. Thank goodness. Cause, you know, the last thing I need is to save natural resources and to reduce my water bill. Whatever. I will just buy four new faucets and replace them.
Oh? Really? You actually require having your faucets glued permanently to the cheap PCV piping, so that instead of just unscrewing the faucet like a normal person, I have to saw off the entire pipe with a Gerber tool? No. Not a problem at all.
Jerk.
Every Light in the House
Maybe it’s because the lights look like this that they are constantly dying.
Dum-dee-dum…don’t mind me. Just shaving my face. No, now’s the perfect time for your hardwiring to short circuit. I don’t need lights to shave. Besides, I’m already in the bathroom. I can just wash the blood down the drain.
Man, this curry’s gonna be great. Almost done stirring! *POP* Oh. Really? I mean, there could be better times to blow out, kitchen light. No worries, this boiling hot curry should be done soon. Hmmmm….what is that sensation? Oh man. A third degree hot oil burn? Bummer. Naw, don’t feel bad, light. I’m sure you were just tired.
Are you okay bedroom light? *pop* oh.
Christmas lights? *pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.* ok.
Night light? *bzzzt……pop* um….
Flashlight?…….Flashlight?!……Why are you still working?! Oh. Made in China. I see.
Jerks.
Every Fan we Ever Bought
The Dead Fan Graveyard
You know what? I don’t even have time for sarcasm. It is literally 95 degrees inside this flippin’ house right now.
You suck.
Golden Squash
Don’t pity him. He’s worthless.
There is an old rug behind the house that is quite possibly a relic from the period of the last Thai king. It is torn, faded, and obtrusive. Its putrid smell is likely the only thing preventing anyone from picking it up and throwing it away. No one likes the sight of it and since it hasn’t been in service for over fifty-some years, once it’s gone, there’s not a soul who will miss it.
And still… that rug is more useful than you.
Lazy jerk.
The Refrigerator
R.I.P.
How in the world can we buy a brand new (and fairly expensive) refrigerator just to have it…..oh…..oh yeah….that’s right.
Sorry.
Hey D, can’t wait for you to return to the land where most everything works… and we just don’t think about those little annoyances. If it breaks, Home Depot is just minutes away. If it needs to be improved or upgraded, we don’t have to do a pre-planned combination of walk/bike/bus/taxi to get to Lowes. Yep, I’m feeling like a lazy American here… and in less than two months, you too can feel the same way again fella!